Family Communication 101: Encouraging Open and Honest Conversations
Building Stronger Communication with Your Child: Trust, Understanding, and Open Dialogue
Dear parents, if you want to create stronger communication with your child, it’s important to focus on trust and understanding within your family. Open conversation helps your children feel heard and valued, and it strengthens the family bond, reducing misunderstandings.
For example, during dinner, my curious 5-year-old shared his opinion about cranberry sauce. He didn’t like it because it was too bitter and tangy. I explained that cranberry sauce is made from cranberry juice and gelatin. This led him to ask, "Mommy, what is gelatin?" I paused for a moment, recalling how I’d seen gelatin form around the edges of a pot when my grandmother cooked pork with the bone in. My husband then looked up the definition, and I pulled the empty cranberry can from the trash to check the ingredients. It turned out that there was no gelatin, only cranberries, high fructose corn syrup, and sugar. I felt a bit misled, but in that moment, everyone in the family learned about what we were eating and what gelatin actually is.
My husband and I work hard to create a space where our children can ask questions and feel safe expressing themselves. This can be challenging, especially if you grew up hearing phrases like “stay in a child’s place” and having your questions dismissed. But being able to honestly tell my child that I didn’t know where the internet comes from and then use Google to learn together is an experience I treasure. This openness encourages my children to ask questions without fear of judgment.
Here are a few strategies we use to foster better communication:
Active listening: We listen carefully when our children speak and repeat back what they’ve said to ensure we understand them correctly. If we don’t understand, we express that and ask for clarification.
Using “I” statements: This helps us express our feelings without blaming. For example, “I don’t like when you tell me you won’t brush your teeth, but I understand your point of view. You need to brush your teeth, though, because it’s important for your health.”
Having these conversations isn’t always easy, but explaining why things are important helps children learn. If we don’t tell them, someone else will.
I also want to share how we’ve handled sensitive topics. Recently, I noticed my 5-year-old looking into the mirror and saying he didn’t like how he looked. He said he wanted blond, straight hair like the neighbors. This was difficult for me as a parent, but I explained, in an age-appropriate way, why his unique features are important. I taught him the value of self-love and how trying to fit in by changing his appearance wasn’t the answer. It’s not only about accepting yourself, but also understanding that some people may not have learned to love themselves, which can lead to picking apart others’ differences.
I ended the conversation by reminding him of how special he is to me and focusing on his strengths beyond his physical appearance. This helped lay the foundation for his confidence in his looks, despite being different from his peers. I also reassured him that his feelings are shared by others, and that I understood where he was coming from.
Vulnerability with your children requires strategy and consistency. I’m not always open to entertaining my son’s many questions, especially at 7:15 a.m. when I’m still waking up. In those moments, I communicate my need for quiet so I can recharge and be present for them later. This isn’t always easy, and sometimes I lose my patience. But over time, my children will understand that their mom isn’t a morning person and needs time to wake up before diving into deep conversations.
As parents, it’s easy to just ask our children to stay silent and eat their breakfast. But by setting clear boundaries and explaining why we need quiet time, we teach them the importance of self-care and communication. It helps create an environment where they feel safe to talk to us—even when it’s uncomfortable. This approach improves communication and quality of life, allowing us to be the kind of parents we want to be and to set an example for positive change in the world.